Understanding Lord Voldemort.

Everything I am writing is purely my opinion and having read Harry Potter a million times (really a million times, it is almost sad), I am amazed by how I tend to ask myself new questions each time and how I seem to always find something I haven't thought about before. 

While reading Half-Blood Prince, specifically the part where Dumbledore tries to explain to Harry about Lord Voldemort's past, and a little bit of why he did what he did, I was also curious about this -- Was he a bad person by birth? Do people become who they are as they are born or is it the circumstances that make people who they are. Are they right or wrong? Who is to tell what is right and what is wrong? In the end, is it all simply subjective?

(I do not own this image. Found it on Google, great work and credit to whoever created it)

These are a few excerpts from the book,

"Those whom I could persuade to talk told me that Riddle was obsessed with his parentage. This is understandable, of course; he had grown up in an orphanage and naturally wished to know how he came to be there. It seems that he searched in vain for some trace of Tom Riddle Senior on the shields in the trophy room, on the lists of prefects in the old school records, even in the books of wizarding history. Finally, he was forced to accept that his father had never set foot in Hogwarts. I believe that it was then that he dropped the name forever, assumed the identity of Lord Voldemort, and began his investigations into his previously despised mother’s family – the woman whom, you will remember, he had thought could not be a witch if she had succumbed to the shameful human weakness of death"

There are two questions I would like to ponder, one is "Why did he refuse to believe his mother was a witch until the very last moment" and "Why did he consider her a death, a shameful human weakness, and went on fear it the most and hence tried to conquer it"

Ok, here is a baby boy born in an orphanage surrounded by kids who had no parents, no one to love and learn love from, and the only caregivers were the volunteers and people who worked at the orphanage as a job. A few things he knew as he grew up were -- his parents were dead and hence he was abandoned and he was there! So death sucked. Death is bad, death separates families, death (of this mother) is what got him abandoned and so death is his greatest enemy. Another thing, parents! He was an orphan, different perhaps not from other kids around him but from kids everywhere else. Those kids felt something, they had something. It is the presence of parents! Apparently, parents did any thing for their kids. Everything he sees, all the lessons he is learning seem to talk about love and sacrifice and the abundant care children receive from their parents. Parents are ready to die for their kids. His mother could and should have done anything and everything she can to live for him and care for him, but she did not. So perhaps it was not her choice, so perhaps she was not strong, she was NOT A WITCH. Because if she was a witch, she would have died, would she? Because it did not seem to match what he learned about parents?!

These thoughts, unchecked and unchallenged, on parental love, sacrifice, and death would alone have been enough to completely take a clean, young mind and convert it into a venomous human being called Lord Voldemort.

Another excerpt from the book is, "As he moved up the school, he gathered about him a group of dedicated friends; I call them that, for want of a better term, although as I have already indicated, Riddle undoubtedly felt no affection for any of them"

Of course, he would trust no one. How could he, why would he when everything he has told himself and raised himself to believe is based on abandonment and when he clearly associates every human (be it a muggle and later a wizard) with death and eventually everyone is going to pass on but he had plans to remain forever, so he is very clear and calculative about this fact thought (everything about feelings is just a thought and not a fact as there is no objective truth or lie) that he needed no one.

And this is how I believe the young Tom Riddle had turned into a ruthless, self-serving Lord Voldemort whose greatest fear and weakness was death, strived his entire life to not succumb to it but in the end, ultimately faced death in the worst possible way without ever making peace with any of his short-comings or misconceptions or see an alternate life where he could have approached things differently. 

If you read this and have thoughts on it, please share and let's ponder this together!

The people I love.

(So apparently I need to write happier posts. People literally actually messaged me asking why am I so sad and dark all the time in my posts. Hahaha, the best thing about those messages is me getting to know that someone is actually reading my rants! Fine fine, I'll treat the souls with happier content. Atleast every now and then. Sometimes. Not a lot, Ok? And this is one such post)

Something really cute and funny happened recently. (by the time I am posting this, it has already been over 7 months since it happened)

My grad school roommate and friend of 4 years visited me in Seattle and stayed with me for a week and when it was time to drop her off at the airport to go, I was so sad and said "Noooooo don't go". 

Now if you know me very well (which a lot of people reading this probably don't) you'd know that I barely ever say things like "Don't go", "Don't leave so soon",  "Stayyy", etc. Heck, I feel like I can say "I love you" faster than "I miss you", but this time it was truly different and the week we spent only got better because my other college friend was also living in the same building as I am and all 3 of us were practically together the whole time and it was just like the good old college days. Great food, great music, lots of memes, and a wee bit of gossip. 

I thought about this, why was I so reluctant about saying 'Goodbye' this time? As the days and weeks are rolling by (a more nonchalant way of saying, as I am getting older) am I afraid that my best years are behind me and that I don't have much to look forward to, or am I worried that nothing can be better than the days I've already lived.  I already see this subtle change in me where I am spending every special day with people close to my heart very tenderly and preciously as if I cannot let it go waste or not feel it to the fullest. Anyway, is the post getting sadder? Fuck that shit, this is the time to be happy. 

Hey, people that I love !! --- You know who you are!! Each one of you played a very special role in my life at various crucial points in my life and I cannot thank you enough for that. I absolutely love how we roll, how we cry together in person or on calls, how we bond on memes and dark humor, our late-night restaurant hunts, being there for each other for family events, interning together, growing up in life together, mad dances to Bollywood music, long drives, road trips across states, planned plans, unplanned plans, everything, everything has the most special place in my heart. Every new step I am taking towards my tomorrow is making me hold on to every step I already took ever more closely and dearly. Everything I am today is because of you all; the good, the awesome, and sometimes the ugly too but that's on me. In the end, it was always me who took the steps, but hey, like Chance the Rapper said I am turning the Ls into Lessons!!


-- another post. another abrupt ending. My consistency in being inconsistent is another level !! heck yea, goodnight !! 

Do we really ever heal?

Disclaimer: This post has no continuity, no start or end, no conclusions, and nothing to gain from whatsoever. Not even a chuckle. Trust me. You won't even smile.

This is an old story, a draft left alone but not forgotten for a long time. If it wasn't for my OCD to have nothing left as drafts, I may have stayed away from finishing or publishing it; but all stories need to be told, all feelings need to be expressed; (as long as they aren't harmful to others; do no evil)

The death of Sushant Singh Rajput, an actor from India, caused quite the stir in the media and received a lot of opprobrious attention. People created conspiracy theories out of thin air, some coz they sounded interesting, some coz histrionics is the norm of the day and some coz, well, it served some folks better! Of all the wild theories, one of them gained no traction. People lost interest in it very quickly because it seemed possible, simple, and real. 

Sushant killed himself because he missed his mother, who passed away years ago, intensely while all along dealing with the pressures in the industry and the ephemeral nature of fame. He just couldn't go on.

This is the one theory I could completely understand, had no doubt believing, and seemed like a perfectly logical explanation. There isn't any battle you can't fight in this world when you have that one person behind you that you completely trust, love, and live for. That one person who could give you all the strength to take any next step, the one whose assurance is the only thing that matters, and the one for whom you are doing what you are doing.

Being from a modest income household that valued education more than anything else, his mother probably was his constant support and told him that the harder he works, the more he succeeds! He is a simple guy from a simple family brought up by parents who always told him that his achievements and resulting happiness were directly proportional to his efforts. And there he went into his career, gave all he could and then received a lot in return..but even when he got all he wanted, where was his one person for whom he did everything and now that he has the success and the fame, how could he share all that with his dear mum anymore? He did everything he could and more but where was the happiness he was promised? 

I mean is this feeling so hard to understand? Why does someone's demise always have to be a scandal or a sensation? Are simple, normal real feelings not cool enough? or not worthy enough to cause pain? 

Successful or not, celebrity or not, he is only human. He had emotions, dreams, goals, people he loved and missed. Let him fucking be. 

I have almost always written my blogposts in only two states of mind: utmost sadness and intense feeling of gratitude. Even on those days when my posts seemed quite funny and witty, all that came from the strong sense of gratitude in my gut and I could take the smile on my face to my post and then to any reader's eyes because I felt the talisman of thanks inside me. Simple feelings of sadness and fear are real. They are more real than thrill, excitement, and elation. 

Also, I was recently wondering how my mind works in very mysterious ways.. and if mine does, probably there are few others out there who could relate. If there is anything I've come to accept, it is that I am not alone even in the most bizarre circumstances of life. Sure, I may not find company and comfort in the vicinity but I am assured, there is someone out there in another corner of the world, another lifetime or another galaxy with a similar experience.

There I go losing my track.. here is the thing,

When I miss people, and they are so far gone that there is nothing that can be done about it, in spite of having a million good memories, I always only think of all the 'sorrys' I owe(d) them, all the times I wasn't there for them, how I never seemed to have done enough and how I always fell short of what they needed me to be. EVERY SINGLE TIME!! For real, there are lots of good memories, lots of things I did right or tried to do right until the last moment, lots of small milestones; BUT NO.! I only only remember all the unexpressed gratitude, and the unsaid 'I am so sorry's. 

Why does my brain do me like that? Am I alone in this? Am I a masochist? Am I born to be miserable?

Most of the time, I go day in and day out completely numbing myself to these inner voices. As far as my 9am to 11pm goes, they are non-existent. Every now and then, a feeling or two, a tear or two tries to escape my otherwise perfectly smiling face but I am now a professional at totally masking it off and there is no foundation ever made out there that masks bullshit better than the one I've rubbed all over my (?) [what should I even say? face? heart? life?] But it does get to me, you know, I am constantly running but it always catches up with me 'cuz that's the thing about pain right? It demands to be felt.  

Anyway, who cares? Why am I even writing this? Why can't I write about happier things? Preachy shit. Inspirational shit. I don't know, just fucking saner shit, right? Well, I don't know the answer to that. I don't think it is fair for me to show a really wonderful image of myself when that is not what I am all about. If someone cares enough, someone gives a fuck, maybe they will care enough to know that it is not all bling and glitter. Plus, gotta keep my writing skills sharp for a day when I might have to write an autobiography. Who knows, I could still be a superstar one day. I definitely want my wiki page to mention somewhere that I used to write small blogposts for 5 readers. (remember I used to have 9 earlier? I feel like 4 might have unfollowed coz I'm so inconsistent and bleak). Whatever, this is all I could muster. 

Happy Saturday. 
(I mean imagine my nerve, right?)

Dear Y'all.

Gulla's BookClub Part 2

(Just thought I’ll throw the title out there so that I can fight for TradeMark or patent rights if such time ever comes. Clearly I don’t know how patents work. Who’s surprised??)

Y’all, what’s popping. Let’s just assume that my second book suggestion came almost a month after my first because I am the kind of nice person who gives enough time for my people to catch up and stay motivated. Alright? It is definitely not because I am me and me is lazy, unfocused, sleepy, netflix-addicted, crazy…. why am I like this????? Yeah, definitely not because of the latter. Totally giving you guys time. Right, moving on.

So how many of you actually read ‘The Hate you Give’ because I swore it would be great.

None? Well, I knew that. Will you guys read it if I Venmo $10, guys I am so bored and if I could quiz you off the book you read, I’d do that.

But, that’s okay. Maybe the book wasn’t your type. Just like self-help books aren’t my type. I swear if I have to read one more book on ‘How to make pennies into Paris trips’ or ‘Time and Tide waits for none’ or ‘5 traits of a 5-year-old self-made billionaire’ really I’ll drink that disinfectant.

Where is all the shallowness, eh? Let’s just read fiction and pretend everything is A-okay. Or even better, let’s just read sad romantic Nicholas Sparks novels and dump our perfect partners to create some drama in our lives, what say? I think I set the stage quite well, my only 2 friends also stopped reading this post from here on, I am sure.

But, if you did not, any guesses on what would be my this week’s book suggestion?

And this time NO MOVIE, only BOOK ok? I repeat. MOVIE DOES NOT DO JUSTICE TO THE BOOK. I need to stop yelling, you got the point.

I am not great at keeping things short or NOT beating around the bush, obviously, so I won’t tell you that this story is about this man who starts off aimless, directionless in life and then when he makes a chance decision to join the army, he meets a sweet, not so beautiful but kind-hearted girl and falls in love and what happens next is what breaks(or makes) our heart. But I will tell you that this is not your usual happily-ever-after story where everyone gets what they want or where good people get good things. Clearly, as I grew up, I realized that life doesn’t work that way, it never had, and maybe that’s why I loved this book like I loved no other love story. Because in all honesty, it did not seem like just a love story to me.

If you read this book, we can talk more about it. I love people who read books and read them with fervent passion and involvement. Not algebra books, not biographies either. Books like Dear John :P

Please read it, Okay? And let me know what you think!!!

Hold me close, I’m serious!

Okay, we know there is an elephant in the room right now with all of us. But we are not gonna talk about it ok? Let’s ignore it, pretend it's not there and hope it’ll go away. But also since we spent thousands of moolah to be where we are and be filled with words, let’s stay out of its way and not be trampled by it. Let’s do our part of ignoring it well with style. And indoors. So I need your help here, hold me close. Hold me really really close.

                                                                                                                                         — A Book,2020

That’s quite a captivating introduction eh? Now I am not a book anymore, I’m me, Gulla. 

Trust me, writing this blog post is the last thing I should be doing right now. I have a tonne of work to do and if my manager is reading this, I LOVE MY JOB. I LOVE MY TEAM. But then, I am watching all these people (WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE) doing all these great things from home and I never thought I could catch a FOMO even when all I am asked to do is stay put, like omg. And then I’ve been telling myself these following things,

• Uff all these people posting cool cooking vids, bringing the vine back n all are crazy
• I barely have time to wake up and then stay up. Ain’t nobody got time for greatness.
• Damn, everybody is using their time so well, I am too late. Why you gotta be late always, idiot. I am an idiot.

…well, I could go on and you get the gist. 

So here I am, out here, today, rallying on behalf of all the other folks like me who are late in the game and still figuring out when is the right time to change from our pjs into well, fresh(er) laundry, and still try to make something out of this unexpected time we got right??? I just want you all to know that we are not too late. We got time. And we can still pick up a hobby, text that dude we made eye contact near Walgreens back(DONT), buy a cactus, you know..whatever!!

I won’t be telling you what you can do with your time, BUT if you are a bookworm like me and are looking for book suggestions, read further!! Yea, that's what i'm going to do. Read books and make folks read them too. Gulla’s book club, how does that sound? Should I file for a patent? Too soon?

This week’s book suggestion issssssss *DRUMROLLL*

‘THE HATE YOU GIVE’ by Angie Thomas.

This book is super special to me coz I watched the movie first and I was crying on the plane all the way from Madison to Seattle while the lady next to me was looking at me trying to tell me that it’s gonna be alright but she knew it was going to make her seem as crazy as I was coz it was a movie. You feel me? yea it was intense. So obviously I had to order the book online and then read it and cry more for real. Now I cannot tell you why I cried without ranting on and on about the book but I can promise you, it is beautifully written and for sure helps us realize what we have and what we have been given.. and maybe also what we don’t have and hence have to fight harder?! 

Also, I like you if you like the books I like *wink* Cherry on top like no other!

If you aren’t a huge book person but still continued reading, you are in luck coz Imma pronounce the movie adaptation of this book is very very very good !!!!! So you can watch that too!!!! 

I usually don’t ask for feedback or expect anything back from my posts but if you did read this book earlier or read the book now, HMU !! Lmk what you think :) 

Happy reading y’all. 

Imma go work >.<

It’s gonna be alright. Mostly.

I don’t know who David Levithan is, but he spoke the words I knew but needed to hear again.

11 Dec 2019

When I started writing this blog post, I am on the 25-hour flight to India that I booked 8 hours earlier to visit my sick mother who has been fighting for her life for over a year now. It has taken me all my will, all the money I saved stringently over the last few months and all the creature comforts that I have developed a yearning to, to stop killing myself or hurting myself mindlessly. The hurting part might have been because I don’t trust American health insurance but that’s not the point.

Before I go on, I better give a disclaimer that a very unruly upbringing, lonely childhood and too many western books I read as a child might have messed me up and what I do or say in life might not be appreciated by or applicable to all. Don’t get me wrong when I say ‘unruly’, by ‘unruly’ I meant my mother never posed any restrictions on how much I played on the streets with the other kids as long as I finished my homework, she let me travel all alone to school few miles away as a 10 year old if it meant I will get good education there, she let me attend any university I wanted if it meant growth and development irrespective of the cost and as a Telugu girl from a lower middle class family with too many opinions (or dreams/possibilities) and a big mouth, if that’s not ‘unruly’, tell me what is.

But the problem is you know, I wish my mom never gave me so much freedom, I wish she never taught me to be independent, I wish she never let me make my decisions or helped me in doing so. I wish she never let me leave home or the country and I wish she never let me obtain this life that is a huge gift and the life that I should be thankful for. Because I don’t think it is fair that she gave it all to me, possibly hoping I’d be happy and now not being around to watch me or let me share it with her. I also think it is unfair that she has been my cheerleader all through life, cheering the loudest for me at every step. So loud, that nothing else mattered and nothing else was heard, I forgot what game I was playing. For the longest time, her voice was my only guide, my only companion and honestly the only thing I needed. I wasn’t as independent as I thought I was because my entire happiness, sanity and direction needed that voice and that support. And therefore, I also think it is pretty fucking unfair that now I cannot hear it no more and not one book among the hundreds I read taught me how to believe, trust and hope everything is going to be alright here on.

For a while few hours ago, I was mad at her for having to be on this flight because it was sudden and I didn’t have the balls to disrupt my perfect life and I was too busy feeling sorry for myself for being ‘only 25’ to be facing the possible loss of a parent and how devastating it is for me. I was also mad at everyone else around me who seemed to have it together, had ‘normal’ lives and who I know would never understand what I must be feeling whether or not they cared. And it took me denial, grief and then some quiet to be ashamed of myself and to understand it is okay, when the many flashes of every little thing she did for me all these years flooded on. Then I realized in the simplest of terms that is it not my duty or responsibility as a daughter to be there but it is actually my responsibility as a human to be grateful for everything I have been given in life and then give it back unconditionally when needed. And as to feeling a sense of resentment for everyone else, I do not know what it is like to not have food or shelter growing up or having to be shot in the head for wanting to study so I am going to learn to be more empathetic and even more grateful than I am to just what is than keep thinking about what could be.

Now how did this post help y’all ??

I’ve been rambling for about 700 words of how pathetic I feel and how I am going to try and not feel that right? In between my lines, please once put yourself in my shoes and think of everything I may have thought. Or better yet, think of the last worst thing you’ve faced, something that shook you up so much, you were super scared to face but then you eventually had to go through it with anyway. 

Did the horrific memory come flashing through? Wait, it actually did not sting as much as it did when you faced it right? Maybe you’ve come out of it stronger, maybe you just grew numb, maybe your heart is a bit more of a rock than it was before. Whatever it is, it is fine, and you’ve made it. You survived. And in every horrible thing coming your way from now on (well, I am sorry to be the bearer of this bad news, life is not all fun and games) you will feel terrible, unready and God-forbid lonely but if you can just grit your teeth, cry your eyes out and remind yourself to be the bad-ass you are, you will definitely come out on the other side.

Wholly?

All Positive?

Better than ever?

Maybe not. 

But definitely with one-level of badassery upgraded and one beautifully adornable scar to remind you of your journey and maybe one extra reminder to be grateful for what is.

Here'z my number so call me, maybe.

(time: 3.09 pm 24 June 2019)

Nobody:

Me: Reasons why Yugali Gullapalli hasn't written a blog post since May 2017:

1.) She enrolled for a Masters Degree in the United States and took Operating Systems in the first semester.
2.) She is a masochist and hence took Machine Learning in the next.
3.) She forgot how to write shit to save her life coz all exams in the states are fucking MCQs
4.) Who the heck reads blogs these days anyway?!?!
5.) Beeeeech, get the fuck out, no one cares!!!!

Hi, Hello, Welcome back to my Youtub...sorry I forgot I don't even make peanuts with this page aka  my Blog Post. If you actually did NOT close the window until this point, darling you must be Shakespeare in this era of #influencers and #instadaily so Here'z my number,  CALL ME PLEAASE!!!

In the last 2 years I made 4 attempts to write blog posts and now that's totally 3 attempts more than the effort I put in to fix my neural nets code so you really best believe that I've changed, you've changed and the world changed super fast in the last 2 years coz of which I never had the time to fully articulate current thoughts in any one post !!!! Like literally one moment I felt like the World is my stage and I see it, I like it I want it I'll get it (if you are following my references we can totally not fuck coz you are probably a girl, guys are never that cool) and then the next minute I did not want to wake up, I just wanted to jump off my balcony and hopefully not need to use my insurance!! Finally after graduation and tonnes of non-stressful work time AKA me choosing my full-time start date really late like the moron that I am, I flexed my pajamas to write something!!!

Usually my blogposts are meaningless, silly and another 3 minutes of your life wasted and this one is going to be NO different, but if you smiled or laughed at any point, let me know and if you just raised your brows all the while, slide into my DMs I ignore that shit up all the time!!

Are you still with me?

Then lets gooo!!

So so, lately I've become obsessed with gifs, memes and bringing back the vines and TOTALLY judging anyone who'd do somethings(can't name them but if you are my friend who know what m talking about ) I used to do 2 years ago coz hey now I am an evolved foreign babe so don't touch me.

 

My daily routine since I did my walk-of-the-lame at the convocation, involves scrolling through Instagram until I see everyone's stories twice and wallowing in self-pity for their engagements/weddings or baby showers, coping up with all the FOMO for their never-ending "travelista" goals (where can I get that kinda money?!?!) , rolfing at the spiritual development quotes, sending fire emojis to food pics and heart emojis to dog pics. After this I switch from Instagram to Facebook and throw out a few more hearts and flames. By the time it is all done, this goddamn Instagram is back with new stories so the cycle continues. Throughout this rant if anyone started getting tensed that I need help and therapy, Yassssss SIS, I see you!! I know you are doing the exact same thing and guess what I also went to that Zumba class you suggested, ate kale, drank pressed juice and then posted it all on the gram with the right hashtags!!! I mean I totally want to say "This too shall pass" but seeing how things are going we'll probably die alone, soooo hang in there. Or not, whatever. (Just kidding, I love you as much as I love me!!! Definitely not very assuring but love's all I've got)

(time: 3.58 pm): I am officially out of more things to write and started thinking about food.

(time: 4.24 pm): Resuming writing, ate cherries and drank kombucha. SYYYKEEEEE, I ate Osmania biscuits and drank masala chai !!! THATS LIFE.

So, where did we stop? umm, dying alone. Shooot, I should have cried a little bit more into my tea. Well, what can I say ?! Settling down at one place and finding the ARJUN (not that mfking Reddy) of my life isn't really one of my strongest points aight? Clearly, I am no Ganga. I am the Vydehi Trivedi who needs to be taught a lesson!! I mean I want someone who loves memes as much as me, who is obsessed with orcas, loves chai (and can preferably make it), is 6 foot tall, prefers Nadal over Federer, hates running but has 6 pack abs and wants to tour Europe with Dan Brown books as guides. AM I ASKING TOO MUCH? Well, whatever in my aunt's words, "never should have let you study so much" !! Yea that's true aunty that would have done me good, you are right, I am wrong!! Coz clearly, you are married, raised 25 amazing kids, had a great husband who "bought" you everything you ever needed and here I am writing blogposts for exactly 9 readers. YOU WIN.

Anyway, dear 9 people who are reading this thing: I just came by today to check out if I can still write stuff and to get online validation coz otherwise, is it even real? I have nothing to discuss at this point coz life is good, well mostly acceptable and I am starting full-time soon!!! Guess what that means? If you thought: no more blogs posts? HAHAHA, honey you never worked before? It means more posts !!!! (please don't block me). I also wanted to make some cliche statements before I go for today,

1.) Yesterday I went to that run that I've been kinda planning to go for the last 3 years. A whole total of 5 minutes. Felt like a new soul. OMG aligned greatly with my inner chakras. #newme #nature #spiritual. I am going to continue that and let you know what happens. If it goes well, next post will be serious, if it doesn't ...

2.) Also got lots of veggies in the last grocery run before stopping by at the Indian place for egg puffs on Saturday!!!! #copyhashtagsfromabove.

3.) .... forgot about it, I feel a little hungry again. BRB.


PS: I wasn't gonna come back. Not for a month more atleast. So, continue with your scrolling. ADIOS, putas! (also learning SPANISH)

We Should because We Can !!!

When I thought of this blog post somewhere around late March 2017, I wanted its title to be “Why everyone deserved to be happy”. After today i.e. 9 May 2017 when I might hopefully finish the post and publish it, I have no idea which title will stick. It took me about a month and half to move my fat ass into a very comfortable ‘legs-up; head in the hands’ couch position to finally write the damn post (Ahem, Noo..I mean sweet post). That’s the problem with us ‘Bathroom Philosophers’; our beautiful thoughts, nice catchy lines and excellent puns vanish right after that ‘perfectly-hot-for-a-breezy-weather’ water stops from the showers !!! MEH !!

Now there are a one or two less than a million reasons as to why I finally decided to write this post starting from “This is my way of expressing or sharing myself, my thoughts, inspirations and motivations with the world ”  to “ I am not even doing that one thing which I always think of doing and which I believe I love doing ” and may have extended to “Shame on me if I call myself a blogger and can’t even put out at least four posts in one fucking year”. 

Diversion Alert: It is important that WHOEVER reading this post knows that between 3.10 pm to 4.20 pm I wrote four lines!!! Four!!!! Kattappaa….Get me that person who said I can write and I can write well !!! *Fuming*

Okay, this will probably me my most plainest, heart to heart blog post ever with no censors no screenings and no proof reads(not that I ever have any but this won’t even have me editing it , I promise !!). Also my humor in this post may be dark, not as dark as how Amarendra Bahubali’s life turned out to be after falling in love ( Back off Feminists) but yeah pretty dark for someone who always looks happy, silly, talking kuch bhi and always pretend to be ever perfect. Now everyone who knows me might have realized I am talking about me but very few people who actually know me are laughing their ass off at you guys !!! DON’T BLAME ME !! 

The spark for this blog post struck when I was actually going through a slight career shift and underwent some minor anxiety and dolefulness (for the lack of a better word because depression would be an exaggeration). Every night after my fair share of tears, fears and fights I used to go to bed and wonder when did I actually become so weak to let these obvious changes to life affect me so much and in turn hurt myself and the only people who always had my back. I HAD EVERYTHING IN LIFE and by everything I mean everything a normal person can have to be happy, be grateful for existence and to probably occasionally have a coffee at Starbucks(Well, I still think it’s a waste of good buck folks) or probably splurge on a shopping spree at ‘W’ (blaah blaah, most girls will relate to what I am saying). Now I am no Ambani, no TATA BIRLA, heck for all I care I don’t even earn as much as hero Alom does for releasing his really “creative”(I was just stumped for words here) videos online. I can bet Uber and Ola drivers earn more than me but that’s not the point.

The point is, I have extremely supportive and never-questioning parents, an excellent well-paying and stress-free (most of the times) job, great amazing caring friends but most of my life goes in sulking about trivial stuff like “Heck, I gained 0.8kgs in the past one week” or “Why isn’t my Instagram filter as good as earlier” or “Why did I not dance as awesomely as that girl over there did” which to be honest are not even a big deal to me !! My interests have always been different and my passions have been different but time and again I keep wavering my path and fall into distractions uncalled for and then start sulking that I am not rocking stuff that I don’t even enjoy so much to begin with. But then another equally important point I realized is that, even if I did know there is something that I love to do, I clearly am not doing it the way it has to be done.

You know guys! (The serious part is about to begin.. you can stop reading this and go back to your facebook scroll if you are not up for it).. where was I? Ah, you know guys…really the world today is a place where NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE. No no, stop right there, Don’t smirk, Don’t shake your heads and now that you read till here, don’t you even go back to your walls !!

For someone who is probably reading my post on a smartphone (or even better a tab?! a Mac?!) and just back from a super hectic day from office( psssshhh I AM KIDDING), most probably in Bangalore-Chennai-Gurgaon-Hyderabad or Pune(Okay, I really don’t think I have readership in Pune :P ) living in an awesome flat in a super awesome society and earning hawt bucks and living the ‘hip-IT’ life, is anything IMPOSSIBLE for you guys? No tell me, suppose you love Badminton and sometime in your days wanted to really be a professional in it or you love photography so much and all you wanted before your 'software engineer' tag came along was to impress someone with your beautifully captured pics or you loved body building and was like 'Bhai ab toh John Cena banunga', anything anything !! Can you tell me truthfully that if you give your best to it, dedicate a sincere amount of time to it and work on it you cannot achieve it?? 

Kya aap ne kabhi socha “Waah kya mast app banaya yaar”, “Waah kitni sundar hogyi oye”, “Arey ye meri friend choti celeb hogyi re”.??? And then you knew exactly why they are who they’ve become today don't you? Whats more disturbing is that you know that even you can do that, isnt it?!! All that’s keeping you from it is yourself, your torpidity and YOU not believing that YOU deserve to be at your best.

Gone are those days when we took our inspirations from great men sitting miles away or leaders from about a century past. This is the ERA of Passion and YOLO my friends and we see many people are becoming super great just by being themselves and giving their life and time for something they love !! There are a million examples, a million !! You know them, you see them all around you. They were so simple and they were nobody a few years ago and now suddenly they are that SOMEONE !! "That GUY who rocked that show and That GIRL who cracked a tech giant's code" !!!! Very common people achieving very common things while attaining fame and glory for themselves just because they put their heart,soul,time and sweat into it.

Now who read my posts know that I am emotional about endings (also suck at them) but what I meant to express from this post is that, there was no need for me to be crushed about happenings in life because if I am truthful, I have no regrets in life and when I look back at it, I was never deprived of any targets when I put my hard work into it. There was nothing that was denied to me but then nothing that was handed to me easily either. I never felt entitled and I worked to get everything I ever got. And I know there are more than 50% of you along with me when I say the word “I”. You’ve been there, we’ve been there !! We’ve all felt dejected, lost and said that success and fame went to some specially gifted people or unusually talented people but if we really open our eyes we see that here today in 2017 such reasons are not valid anymore. Those excuses are as old as The Red Woman in GoT season 6(or is it 5? Hehe ) and as ineffective as XXX: The Return of Xander Cage's promotions in India.

Now I know my words won’t change things much and I am not trying to change the world one post at a time but I am just putting it out there that YOU are not alone but then you will not be happy unless you shed off your inhibitions and start putting soul into your life. Into what you do or who you want to become. Plus I am not someone who goes about spreading messages and distributing ghyan to people who never asked for it but I felt this post was important because I am directing it to my friends, to all 20 year olds and to all those people who I see everyday whether or not I know them by name. I wanted to say with 100% assurance that every single one of us is going through the same thoughts while we go to sleep finally thinking of Prabhas pulling that chariot and Rana flexing his back muscles and ITS OKAY (No judging :P ). Wait, whats OKAY is thinking of Prabhas and being worried about not being at your bestest. But whats NOT OKAY is not doing anything about it. Whats NOT OKAY is ignoring my post and then going back to sulking and Whats MOST NOT OKAY is not believing that you can !!!

I am not good at giving suggestions or stringing two full English lines without using the F word at least thrice but I hope you guys will be real 90’s kids (now uncles and aunties at 23 like me) and follow your passions. My post endings are about as dumb as that idiot Clay from 13 reasons why... So Umm Bye bye.. but hey we can continue interacting in comments or DM or wherever bruh !!!