I took a gap of over four months to write this blog post.
Was I researching on some super awesome topic to entertain
my readers? NO.
Was I just too lazy to pick up my laptop to do the one thing
that makes me happy wild and free (apart from clicking a hundred selfies ;) ) ?
MAYBE.
Was I just caught up in the wind called life and was blown
too far off to realize that a bit of me is stuck somewhere far behind? SEEMS
LIKE IT.
Or……did I just decide that writing is not my thing anymore?
UMMM
Welcome back to this virtual world which I call the hole of
my heart. I am proud but not so proud to say that it is fear, yes that’s right,
fear that is making me write a new blog post.
First let me ask a
question…Is it just me, or you too as a 22-23 year old started feeling a little
bit apprehensive about the way you look at things? In the way you are doing
things? In the way you are now afraid to do the things that you once did with
ease or always wanted to do when you get a chance? I swear to God I was bold to the point of being brazen when
I was young, climbing trees and walls alike jumping over terraces while playing
with friends and my bucket list always involved paragliding, bungee jumping and
all those cool adventure sports !!
But when we went to a nature camp recently on a team outing
I stood there with a poker face when I had to climb a ladder to go on for a zip
line !! I swear to god I couldn’t make it after 4-5 rungs…. I had no idea what
has gotten into me and I was gripped with a paranoia of what might happen if I
fall or slip or what-hell-ever !
Was it the complacency of life or was it the feeling that I
can’t fail in front of my teammates that stopped me doing something that I once
so lovingly did ?? I moved over and just
sat under a tree and blatantly lied that I am afraid of heights but as I
thought over I realized I AM NOW afraid of heights !! My trip to Wonderla,
Bangalore also turned out to be pretty similar where I literally had my heart
in my mouth whenever I forced myself on a wild ride before eventually giving it
up as if it wasn’t for me.
I discussed the same with a couple of friends and their
answers quite shook me and confirmed my suspicions. I have succumbed to my
conceited small life with creature comforts and do not want to mess with it.
Got into a state of inertia called the Inertia of Indolence (totally discovered
by me) and I was expecting life to go out of its way to entertain me even after
knowing what a total bitch she is !!
As I was writing this blog, I had no solution for my
predicament. Nor do I have the confidence that I will find one until I change
my outlook but currently I am in a phase where nothing about my morrow is
certain and there are so many questions choking me from so many sides. I had to
share this with you all and put one piece of my brimming brain onto the web.
Let me know if you are feeling the same way and who knows you might have a panacea
!!!
