3 YEARS. 3 whole years and add an additional 10 months of doubts, fear, hesitancy and tears that came out of nowhere warning me that I am doing something wrong and about to do something worse. I ignored it all anyway.
3 years ago today (or a few days give and take) I committed to the worst decision of my life and the day I am writing this post (24th July 2025) I am finally granted the freedom or respite from that decision -- one that could have been avoided completely if only I had the courage I am displaying today on that fateful day 3 years ago.
But you know, life.
A lot of people consider life as something that is ahead but i've come to update my meaning of life as something that happened to me since I was born to this last one second that passed away.
And suprisingly, I want to declare that I am not mad at myself. Really. I am not mad that I have made a mess or that I spent the last few "supposed to be best" years of my life completely in a haze of misery, pain, tears, pure hatred and caustic consumption. I am just somewhat glad that this is what it took for me to realize that I AM ENOUGH, I AM CAPABLE AND I HAVE ME after losing myself to the universe and letting life happen to me since December 2019.
One major loss stopped everything about me, put me in an emotional coma and it took another major life event to wake me up from this torpor and remind me that I am losing the few precious days left in my account to pay homage to this life that my mother gave me by sacrificing hers and actually spreading some good in the world in whatever infinitesimal way I can! In this process, I heard myself learn the phrase I never thought I had in me, "hey hey hey calm down, I love you. I love you Yugali, I love you and I WILL take care of YOU. I will take care of you." It took me a lot of waiting on someone to save me; "family", God, people but finally I realized these were the words I needed to hear from myself and they were the ones that finally gave me the strength I needed to shed the final cobwebs tying me to my misery and today... I am free.
I am Yugali Gullapalli.
No comments:
Post a Comment