Thank You 2015.

At the end of 2016, I rolled up my sleeves to write a thank you note for the most beautiful year of my life, 2015. Yes!! You read it right, I fully meant 2015 and not 2016.

Then why take so long to express the awesomeness of a yester-year if it has been your most blessed??

Well, aren’t I just a human and it’s part of my manufacturing that I only hope for best and best each and every other time (totally kidding, I am a true follower of Satan and pessimistic as FUCK) .

But facts apart, I believe 2015 deserves a BIG THANK YOU and a hundred million hugs for it showed me so many sides in me and not with harsh lessons but with love and tenderness. You should all understand how difficult it is for me to write a positive post, okay? Honestly 2016 has bitch-slapped me, pinched me and sucker-punched me so many times that even this much of joy is a miracle. Even today as I write this post I have like a total of 29 problems.

Ok wait…what am I talking about, This is supposed to be about 2015 !! Back to Topic.

So my 2015 started off with my bags packed and set off to Bangalore to start spending my own money and not the ones stolen from my mom’s purse or dad’s backpocket( He is so careless and just asks for it, I tell you !!) I started “Internship” with the most sexiest-campus having company in Bangalore, Cisco (Ah, cisco muah muah ) The internship was from January to June and man were they the besttttttttt 6 months of my life. I did surely have some good times before that but 180 days of pure bliss? Doesn’t ring any balls.uh-oh I mean bells.  Here, I got to meet some of best people ever ever, evaaa evaa (sing-song it..cmon) and the fun I had was madness : stuff like early mrng hill rides(Just kidding dad) , drinking first cosmos (Just kidding Mom) and drinking and then calling mom to tell her bout the firsts (Just kidding guys ) and eating at every damn restaurant, thela ,cafe and foodtruck ever opened !!  And what happened after all that you ask? Nah nothing, I just gained like 8 effing kgs (Yes in India we do kgs) in a span of 4 months…four fucking months !!!!! And now it’s taken me 2 years to lose just 4 of those meffing kgs !!

I could totally do a before after thing to inspire people about gaining weight and then losing but then that would be totally useless because well, I still pretty much look the very same. Honestly though I am in a great shape… a great Oval and what’s a better shape than that. !

Wait, that’s the cynical me talking again !! Gurll, you gotta do positive..POSITIVE…

The mid of 2015 was just as great as the start and maybe even better as I saw love like I have never seen before, the result of the most wonderful upbringing by the world’s best parents probably and innocence as pure as it comes. Time flew by and how to capture the moments? By pics or just storing them deep in my heart and guts. Thinking of it is overwhelming, well beyond my amateur writing skills and a small MB memory brain.

The next sickest thing is the stay in ALOFT before our full-time joining and it was just ROYAL. The food, the stay and the late night horror movies.. we just proved how cheap we are because 6-7 of us rolled on the floors and constant losing of roomkeys !!

If the start and mid of 2015 were a bang, they were nothing compared to the awesome ending of the year with a fitting farewell at Tap and with the best of the people.  The best NEW YEARS EVE of my life, damn I was so wasted and crazily happy without realizing the wrecking ball that’s coming at me like 2016 !! Ahh !! 

This feels like a pictorial tribute to 2015 but how best to express my happiness and gratitude in ways other than through digital proof of pictures where I am constantly with a smile?

My parents were super happy and proud of me and specially my mom was happy because she was receiving awesome gifts for her birthday, Teachers’ day, Mothers’ day and also Women’s  day !! :P 

I felt driven, purposeful and most importantly I got many answers. I had the best of the company anyone could ask for and every place in Bangalore seemed only one traffic signal away. The adventures I had on the streets of Koramangla including getting lost somewhere near Richmond circle and ending up in God knows where and eating at McDonalds by begging the guy to open for some more time…!! Tame yet so kicking !!! I really wished 2015 lasted a lifetime but time just like luck, fame and breath is ephemeral. All I could do was laugh like a dork when I think of those times and ctrl+alt+delete on my laptop to see those photos just another time.

I always knew I wasn’t good with endings. I never knew how to do it quick and clean. But I also know why, coz it is easy to think of an end, to picture it and to come in terms with it but extremely difficult to go through it. Same with many endings in life, ending of 2015 and also ending of this small blog post. My heart is telling me that there is so much more that needs a mention and that I should reminisce but my fingers won’t cooperate and nor will my practical mind. Maybe some stories are just left incomplete, letting you build upon them slowly and steadily.

In the meantime, lets end 2016 and wait eagerly for the next big thing to shake us up, shake us up !!!

Fear of Fear

I took a gap of over four months to write this blog post.

Was I researching on some super awesome topic to entertain my readers? NO.

Was I just too lazy to pick up my laptop to do the one thing that makes me happy wild and free (apart from clicking a hundred selfies ;) ) ? MAYBE.

Was I just caught up in the wind called life and was blown too far off to realize that a bit of me is stuck somewhere far behind? SEEMS LIKE IT.

Or……did I just decide that writing is not my thing anymore? UMMM

Welcome back to this virtual world which I call the hole of my heart. I am proud but not so proud to say that it is fear, yes that’s right, fear that is making me write a new blog post.

First let me ask a question…Is it just me, or you too as a 22-23 year old started feeling a little bit apprehensive about the way you look at things? In the way you are doing things? In the way you are now afraid to do the things that you once did with ease or always wanted to do when you get a chance? I swear to God I was bold to the point of being brazen when I was young, climbing trees and walls alike jumping over terraces while playing with friends and my bucket list always involved paragliding, bungee jumping and all those cool adventure sports !!

But when we went to a nature camp recently on a team outing I stood there with a poker face when I had to climb a ladder to go on for a zip line !! I swear to god I couldn’t make it after 4-5 rungs…. I had no idea what has gotten into me and I was gripped with a paranoia of what might happen if I fall or slip or what-hell-ever !

Was it the complacency of life or was it the feeling that I can’t fail in front of my teammates that stopped me doing something that I once so lovingly did ??  I moved over and just sat under a tree and blatantly lied that I am afraid of heights but as I thought over I realized I AM NOW afraid of heights !! My trip to Wonderla, Bangalore also turned out to be pretty similar where I literally had my heart in my mouth whenever I forced myself on a wild ride before eventually giving it up as if it wasn’t for me.  

I discussed the same with a couple of friends and their answers quite shook me and confirmed my suspicions. I have succumbed to my conceited small life with creature comforts and do not want to mess with it. Got into a state of inertia called the Inertia of Indolence (totally discovered by me) and I was expecting life to go out of its way to entertain me even after knowing what a total bitch she is !!

As I was writing this blog, I had no solution for my predicament. Nor do I have the confidence that I will find one until I change my outlook but currently I am in a phase where nothing about my morrow is certain and there are so many questions choking me from so many sides. I had to share this with you all and put one piece of my brimming brain onto the web. Let me know if you are feeling the same way and who knows you might have a panacea !!!

Mid-Life Deadlock

Trauma at the twenties

Roll all the eyes you want but just after 22 years and 4 months , I am already in a mid-life crisis. And yes I am counting even months because hey…tik tok tik !!! I mean umm…kal ho na ho?

Okay so here's the deal and hash tag 100% accuracy when I say everybody in this world around my age would relate to this, (unless you are already the CEO of your Facebook photography page or whatever man !! Congrats to you, you found your passion ) but we are one of those people who did engineering first and later started thinking,’well  nowz the time to follow your dreams ,Yayy’.

NAE NAE !!!!!

Now what?? We blindly did what our parents ‘suggested’, what our relatives thought best for us, we did something that wouldn’t get our neighbors talking and what would make us ‘normal kids’. Lucky are those weird kids who danced all night without doing their homework,  got punished by our teachers coz they had tennis practice and always failed the math test coz they found love in the hopeless place of music?(NO WAY). But then you are not one of those lucky ones now are you, coz ur probably sitting at ur corporate desks after hours of work-coding-testing-whatever and taking a short little much needed break only to read the rants of another loser !! The other day I was on tinder (I legit don’t know why I installed it) and while I was swiping around I realized I had no interest in talking to anyone, knowing anyone or ever go on a blind date but I am only here to look at other various MNC employed elves of this sprawling city !!!! Every now and then I read some inspirational quotes (ofcourse on facebook) or about folks successful at the smallest yet most meaningful-to-them sorts of things and somewhere at the bottom left part of my big belly a fire starts and I being the dork I am would again mistake it for hunger and eat and drink till it dies out. 

But just today when I woke up at 11.30am , I realised that I have crossed all kinds of lines that differentiate me from who I think I am and who I really am. Even my deluded brain is not gonna let me call myself an okay sort of person anymore because I have always dreamt big and talked big but never went the step ahead and did anything that’s big. Today when my closest friend woke up at 8 am and started prepping for CAT I finally came to my senses and saw the date only to realise I’m still well on my track of fucking up my life but I cannot let that happen anymore. I am not saying that this day would be different from any other days during which I felt the same strike but then I feel that this is a high time I should make it one and I really wish I could ( Did you see that? How cool was it having would should and could in the same sentence? Or was it lame AF? )

What’s my final point?

Did you guys watch the movie Julie and Julia ?? If you did not you should and it is an awesome movie. Especially we girls would love it and I am going to give it a shot to see where I can go with it. And just like cooking is Julie’s epicentre, mine will be Fitness, Career and Travel. Whenever I achieve my weekly/daily goal of anything related to the above three I will update my blog and share it with particularly no one or virtually everyone who is following this.

Today I started my vocabulary prep and did some exercises on Ratios and Exponents. As usual I sucked at Ratios(no surprise there) and am hoping that this day will be a propitious one and I will continue this journey.